I heard a song today, and boy did it strike a nerve. Not only was the tune catchy, but this song has made a giant impact on the mainstream of social media like no other song I know. It is called “The Rich Man North of Richmond” by Oliver Anthony. It is an ode to the trials of the regular guy, the nice guy.

This song hit me because it reminds me of the small little town I live in. My house is situated in a middle-class suburban neighborhood. There are around twenty houses nestled in and around a single street which has a cul-de-sac at the end of the road. Each house is owned by a traditional family with multiple kids. The neighborhood is quiet, except for a few squeals you can hear once in a while from kids playing down the street, or a leaf blower buzzing in the distance. I know many of my neighbors personally, and some of the dads are my good friends. But we rarely have time to just hang out because most of the men on the street work 50-60 hours per week, have children involved in a sport or other extracurricular activity, and in their free time are working in the yard to maintain their property. Busy, busy, busy and most of them still go to church on Sunday. Drained and depleted, but happy. 

Once in a while, I will stop by to visit a neighbor while they are cutting the lawn or jogging down the street to ask them how life is going. And there are moments when the man I am talking to is just plain exhausted. They are more than willing to share how hard it is sometimes to juggle all of those responsibilities, keeping your wife and kids happy, trying to find extra time to breathe, and then being constantly told by the world around you that you are not doing enough. Isn’t just loving your family enough? It reminds me of the scripture that says, “Make it your ambition to lead a peaceful and quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” (I Thessalonians 4:11-12) These are the types of people that live down my street, and they also used to be the kind of people we were told make America strong.

That is what Oliver Anthony’s song is about. The vented fury of the nice guy.

Today’s News

One day after talking to a neighbor, I went inside to relax and then turned on the news. Every news story and political speech of the party that is now in control seemed to take direct aim at middle-class America, blaming them for not caring, for wanting to set up a Christian patriarchy to control the lives of others, while saying that they hate the homosexual, the trans, and the feminist. But as I thought about the people on my street, I began to wonder if that is what actually drove the men in my neighborhood. Is that really what they wanted to do — maintain the patriarchy? As far as I could tell, it sure seems like they are busy busting their butts at thankless jobs simply so everyone else can be happy. 

If you think about it, nice guys really don’t have time to hate. 

Recently I saw a news report that showed a group of young kids stealing items from a department store, ransacking everything while laughing and having a grand time. Then they interviewed an arrogant politician (with three capital letters for her name) who basically said, “Don’t blame the young kids, blame the systemic inequity, the upper-class patriarchy is responsible for the desperate situation of people. People are scared to pay their rent. So why should we be concerned if a few desperate kids steal a few things?” I even heard another politician say, “It will all balance out, especially when insurance can pay for their losses.” 

But tell me, who pays for the insurance losses? The middle-class small business owner is paying those insurance premiums. Come to think of it, the people who have to eat the cost are just like the men on my street. They pay their bills and then some. But because they are nice, they have no time to protest, ransack stores, or cause most of the problems they end up paying taxes for. As Oliver Anthony says, “It’s a damn shame.”

A Personal Story

This song perfectly expresses the feeling of visceral anger many nice guys feel, but out of niceness, they keep it hidden. Everyone else can vent, but the nice guy needs to just shut up and take it. Why? Because they are expected to be nice.

I felt this a few years back when a young man that was in my youth group came to my door to show me his newborn baby daughter. I was incredibly frustrated with him, but not for the reason you may think. Before I explain why I felt this strongly, I must say that I shared this story in one of my blogs a couple of years ago, and after sharing it again a good friend said, “You know, I don’t like that story at all. When you wrote about being angry at a young guy for having a baby out of wedlock, it just rubbed me the wrong way. It made you sound cold-hearted and lacking compassion toward a person that made a mistake like many people do. And I know you, you are not mean-spirited. It just didn’t sound like you.” But as they told me that, I felt like they just wanted to silence my nice guy fury. Once again, the nice guy has to grin and bear it.

But that really wasn’t my friend’s intent. They calmly explained to me that they simply wanted me to make my case better without letting vitriol cloud the message. They didn’t want people to misinterpret what I was trying to say so I, the nice guy, would once again be written off as another uncaring member of the patriarchy.

So that got me to rethink the story. I was not mad at his situation, I was mad that standing before me was the byproduct of a society that rewards and encourages this type of destructive behavior. I felt compassion for his baby girl, she was the innocent party who was being used by an irresponsible kid to make him feel like a man. The father was a 17-year-old wild teen from my youth group that I was working with for a couple of years — I tried to help him work through some of his wrong decisions in the past. But he didn’t want to listen to the advice of a nice guy like me, nor did he want the influence of the church community who were willing to do all they could to help him. I remember how he would often laugh at the nice guy leaders in our youth group that tried to share their wisdom with him. He wanted to live life free and on his own.

I first met him after he smashed the headlights of new cars in a nearby car lot with a baseball bat. The judge ordered him to perform community service at the local church where I worked and he was assigned to me. I not only had to find things for him to do, but I weekly counseled him about his anger and bad decisions. He came from a tough home, so we wanted to help him as best we could. A very kind couple in our church had compassion on him and opened their house so he could have his own room, warm meals, and be close to the school, and the church. The couple who took him in had only two stipulations if he was going to live with them: (1) to obey their curfew, and (2) not to bring any girls over to the house when they were gone. But he never listened, he lived above rules, and in just a few short months he got a girl pregnant that he snuck in through the window late at night.

So on the night he came to show off his baby daughter, I instantly was torn on how to respond. In his arms was a precious baby girl — a gift from God. Beautiful. That was something to praise God for. But her dad didn’t really care about the baby as much as showing her off as a way to prove his manhood. He was now a man — he did not see her as the gift she was, but rather as a toy, a prize to prove how grown up he was. He was a selfish little boy play-acting as a dad.

I felt anger on behalf of this sweet little girl, and for all little girls who deserve better than this.

Instead of promoting traditional virtues and the importance of the nuclear family, our society has chosen to celebrate sexual freedom and promote how the village, through government assistance and daycare services, is there to help raise the child. But there it is, once again, all of these programs and safety-net services eventually must be paid for by the nice guy who is already drowning in taxes. “It’s a damn shame!”

It reminds me of the exhortation in Proverbs 1 aimed at the foolish man:

Out in the open wisdom calls aloud,
    she raises her voice in the public square;
on top of the wall she cries out,
    at the city gate she makes her speech:

“How long will you who are simple love your simple ways?
    How long will mockers delight in mockery
    and fools hate knowledge?
Repent at my rebuke!
    Then I will pour out my thoughts to you,
    I will make known to you my teachings.
But since you refuse to listen when I call
    and no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand,
since you disregard all my advice
    and do not accept my rebuke,
I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes you;
    I will mock when calamity overtakes you—
when calamity overtakes you like a storm,
    when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind,
    when distress and trouble overwhelm you.

“Then they will call to me but I will not answer;
    they will look for me but will not find me,
since they hated knowledge
    and did not choose to fear the Lord.
Since they would not accept my advice
    and spurned my rebuke,
they will eat the fruit of their ways
    and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.
For the waywardness of the simple will kill them,
    and the complacency of fools will destroy them;
but whoever listens to me will live in safety
    and be at ease, without fear of harm.”

A child should never be used as a badge of manhood, they are not a cute toy, and parenting is not a game. What traditional morality teaches is that this child needs a mature mom and dad who values solid structure, like a dad having a secure job that provides good insurance, and who is mature enough to be a faithful father to lead, provide and protect this precious little child until they grow into adulthood.

What I saw standing in front of me at the door was someone who did everything wrong, often encouraged to behave in this manner from popular music and liberal policies, and I was supposed to be excited for him. That is why I was mad — after the world falls apart, the nice guy is expected to pick up the pieces!

Nice guys are stuck, we must live in a culture that rewards irresponsibility while at the same time being told we are the problem. We are supposed to accept moral deviance like it should be the norm. Things that once were revered and cherished, like fear of God, the traditional family, good citizenship, and virtue, have been lost and we are not supposed to notice. And meanwhile, we are expected to be quiet as the whirlwind of a morally bankrupt society is destroying everything before our eyes and nice guys are left to pick up the pieces.

So, I think it is time for the rise of the nice guy. And this song by Oliver Anthony is stirring up the good man to take our country back. You heard the old phrase, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Well, if the response to this song is any indication of the sentiment of the nice guy, I think they are about to rise!