I wish my dad was a “nicer” guy when I was growing up. Kinder, more gentle. If he was I probably would have obeyed him with a huge smile on my face, I would have taken out the trash more often, and even cut the lawn without being told. I can remember one hot and sleepy Saturday morning in the summer, the sun was blazing, and the humidity made it feel like the air was a saturated wet sponge. I did not want to get up off the couch and do my chores, my body felt heavy and swollen because I had just gotten done watching four hours of Bugs Bunny, Superfriends, and playing Pong on my Atari. My dad, who was soaked in sweat, burst into the living room and said, “Chris, that is enough. Get your lazy bones off the couch and cut the grass. And while you are at it, take the garbage out, it is piling up in the kitchen and it is starting to stink.”

“In a minute dad, I have a good game of Pong going.”

In a flash of hot anger, my dad retorted, “No minute buddy, get off the couch NOW!” Seeing his face turn a dark shade of Cherokee-Warrior red, I knew he wasn’t messing around. I turned off the TV and immediately took out the garbage.

As I was pouring gas into the lawnmower, a large bead of sweat curled off the end of my nose and I thought to myself,  “I do not like my dad in this moment of life.” He commanded me to get up and move, but I didn’t want to. The soft cushions on the couch were so inviting, so warm, and so right, and they helped me connect with my true self. Thinking back on those days with enlightened post-modern eyes, I wish I knew then what I know now. Because if I did, this is how I would have responded to my dad, “Dad, the way you are talking to me at this moment is not making me love Jesus anymore. Your tone, your demand for action, and your reddened face from anger are clear indications that you have hate in your heart. Where has your kindness gone? Don’t you know life is all about grace and if you let me be my true self as I sit in peace on this couch, let me self-actualize in this space, I will eventually be so compelled by your sweet spirit that I will want to cut the grass? And wouldn’t you rather have the grass cut from an authentic heart than one that is cut from fear and guilt?”

And to really press my point, I would lay down the wounded-child card like a winning Ace of Spades by saying in a pained soft voice, “If you actually loved me, dad, you would accept and affirm me just the way I am. Without expectations, conditions, or demands. I just wish you could join with me and celebrate my newfound joy of indolence.”

Well, the more I think about that answer, I am not sure if he would have reacted well to that kind of response. For some strange reason, he had this extreme belief that as a member of his house, there were obligations that were confirmed naturally upon his children. He would even say that the responsibilities of children in the home were “self-evident.” Since he owned the house, made the money, bought me groceries, gave me clothes, and drove me to practice, the least I could do is my list of chores. And I knew if I argued with him, he would have said something about showing respect and deference to his authority. Nothing but a modernist pure patriarchal power play. Whose was I to talk back? I was just a kid.

But don’t kids know best? If you ever had kids, you will know the answer is a strong and loud “NO!”

Thinking back on this scenario, the world as it stands argues for its right to unhindered freedom in the same exact enlightened post-modern way. Anytime people — especially Christians — place expectations, conditions, and even disagree about design with those in the world when it comes to human decency, marriage and family, sexuality, and gender ethics, we are told that we are being “unkind, lacking grace, having no empathy, not letting people be their true self, and motivated primarily by hate.” And the worst is when we are told by those in the Christian fold that if we voice our frustration concerning the obvious decay in the world, we are not going to compel people to love Jesus. In fact, we will probably drive them farther away from coming to the truth.

Thinking about this scenario with my dad forces me to really evaluate how we as traditional believing Christians should communicate to a world that, metaphorically speaking, loves to sit on the couch. And brainwashed by the influencers of our hedonistic pop culture, they are truly convinced that they are simply living out their true self. Some questions immediately come to my mind:

(1) Is it wrong to tell non-Christians that their sin is still sin, and that sin is sure to find them out?

(2) Or even more philosophically, what kind of language convinces the non-Christian that God is real and that he is worthy of worship?

(3) And even more to the point, is disagreement, disgust at sin, and even satire hate speech?

I want to begin answering these questions by addressing an often used Scripture that promotes using kindness because God is kind to us. Romans 2:4 says, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” It is true, that the mercy of God is what compels the heart to believe in his goodness. The Gospel is the perfection of his kindness. But his mercy is an informed kindness, it does not keep people blind to the truth. It is a mercy that tells the truth, specifically the expectations God has for humanity and the wrath that will come if it is ignored. And then his mercy relents on the immediate punishment of sin hoping people will turn to Him before his wrath is poured out. In the section surrounding Romans 2:4, Paul says two profound things about the knowledge of God when it comes to the non-believer:

All People on Earth Have Been Given the Knowledge of God. (Romans 1:18-32)

God constantly makes himself and his will known, especially through the creation and the “self-evident” expression of his creative power and love in the world, so that they are “without excuse.” A person can claim they don’t know him, but they have no basis to blame God for this. Ignorance is self-inflicted. This section of scripture says that “though they know the truth, they suppress it.” Even Psalm 19 talks about how the heavens daily pour forth speech.

They Have God’s Law Written on Their Heart. (Romans 2:14-15)

Listen, “Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.” So when you tell a sinner they are sinning, you are telling them something that they inherently already know.

So with that in mind, let’s answer the questions.

IS IT WRONG TO TELL NON-CHRISTIANS THEIR SIN IS STILL SIN?

No, it is actually love. Ezekiel 3:18-19 says something chilling, “When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.  But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.”

I think we must tell the truth so people will throw themselves at God’s mercy. But wait, I thought people already knew they were sinning so why do you have to keep beating a dead horse? Because the more someone ignores the consequences of sin, the more they think they are getting away with that sin. 1 Timothy 4:2 calls this a “seared conscience.” When we warn we are hoping to wake a person up. The less we say the more the person will be confirmed in their freedom to sin. But love will not let someone be lied to by their own heart. (Jeremiah 17:9). If you really care about someone you don’t want them meeting God unprepared. Read Psalm 50:21-22 and you will see what I mean.

WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE CONVINCES PEOPLE THAT GOD IS REAL?

There is this belief that if I want people to listen to me I need to be sweet, nice, and fun to be around. Before I was a Christian, I had a number of friends that were Christians that were sweet, nice, and fun to be around. Never once did they challenge my false beliefs, nor did they ever tell me I was destroying my life when I sinned. They wanted to be my buddy first. The problem with having nice Christians as your buddy is that after a while they are no fun to be around. They are fence walkers. They won’t get drunk, but they will drink. But for non-Christians, why drink if you won’t get drunk? They will go to the bar, but they won’t laugh at the filthy joke or pick up the loose girl. For the non-Christian, why then are you going to the bar? Simply to dance to Justin Bieber? You can do that at home. Non-Christians aren’t motivated to leave the debauchery they so love for a life of toothless boredom, they are compelled by one thing: urgency!

They are haunted by the thought of having to give an account to someone that is greater, stronger, and Holy. Deep in their heart, they are dying to hear the truth. They want someone to confront them, they want someone to give them hope that God has designed them for noble purposes, not silliness or a life of debilitating sin. They want to live as they were designed to live! There was a song written in the late 1980s called “Living Dangerously in the Hands of God” and I believe the message of the song is what non-Christians are dying to hear:

How easily Jesus is forgotten
Amid the comfort of my life
How the flames become a flicker
And faith a brilliant disguise
Oh, Sundays become a holiday
Prayer an empty exercise
And the cost of real devotion
Seems so foreign to my life
Oh, to gladly risk it all
Oh, to be faithful to His call
Abandoned to grace
But anchored in His love
Living dangerously in the hands of God

Christians are not effective when they try to be sugary sweet and nice. Scripture, however, says they are supposed to have a salty-honesty mixed with grace (Colossians 4:6). Telling the truth without condemning the sinner. Offering a way out of their addiction to sin, supplying a solution, and promoting Jesus above all. How do you stop a bully from taking advantage of skinny nerds? By being sweet and nice? No, by standing strong against their arrogance and offering them an out if they comply. Sin reasons with you the same way as a bully. You won’t change it by giving in to it, or smiling at it, or turning a blind eye to it. Sin only responds to strength.

WHAT IS HATE SPEECH?

To me this is a very simple answer: It is denying the dignity of a person. Recently a person who has left traditional Christianity and now leans liberal when it comes to the Gospel has said, “They have a more open theology because they want to emphasize human dignity over depravity.” That sounds well and good, but the only way for a person to display their dignity is to confront depravity. Sin has ruined us. Like a boxer who just received a broken nose and shattered jaw from Mike Tyson’s roundhouse, we all have been distorted by sin’s right hook. It is sin that we must hate so the person we love can be restored and renewed. 

Hate speech isn’t about confronting sin, it is when we despise a person’s intrinsic worth. I also think we despise a person’s worth when we allow them to wallow in the sin that is destroying that worth. 

Disagreement and even disgust are appropriate when it comes to confronting sin, and this is not hatred. The thought of possibly having my beautiful daughters deflowered by the gnawing lust of wicked men disgusts me. The thought of young naive men being exploited in the bathhouses of New York and San Francisco by older perverse men because homosexuality is being advertised as healthy freedom disgusts me. Monkeypox is to be avoided, it kills the health of the human body. The thought that a child would never get to experience being raised by a loving biological mother, and loving biological father, disgusts and saddens me. Sin’s strength comes from meeting you halfway, having a form of godliness (committed lovers), without going all the way (committed covenant-keeping marriage between a man and a woman as Jesus commanded).

Satire is not hate speech either. It is a form of communication that highlights the error of living in blind ignorance. Sometimes people will not listen unless a light of exaggeration is shined on the problem. Take for instance the headline in the Babylonian Bee, “San Francisco DA Announces Innovative New Plan To Arrest People For Breaking The Law.” This simple headline is meant to highlight the zany reality of our crazy political climate. The hope is to arouse a response — both good and bad — so people will think through the reality of living in a broken world. Waking someone up to a different way of seeing reality isn’t hate, it is called persuasion. Even Jesus (Matthew 7:5) used the ridiculous to point out the foolishness of our fallenness.

A thought about phobias: Transphobia, Homophobia, and Katsaridaphobia.

Using the word Phobia for sin (Greek word for ’the fear of’) is not the right word. God and loving Christians are not scared of the sin or the sinner, they are saddened by the destruction sin has caused in the life of the sinner. It should be called “lypimenos” (the transliteration of the English word for sadness). So we should call people who want the best for others as Translypimenos, Homolypimenos, not phobic. Now when it comes to roaches, I am seriously scared of them, I do unequivocably have katsaridaphobia. I often imagine those rotten, greasy, skittering insects carrying a disease that will destroy the world, and every time I pour a bowl of Cornflakes cereal I get a terrible feeling that roaches are in there with their poison ready to go down into my stomach to kill me. I know I will turn into a zombie and start the apocalypse.

But for the person caught in a sin, any sin as listed on 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God,” I sorrow for them. I am not scared for myself. I don’t fear being around them, very few honest believers do; but rather, I want them to experience the fullness of human dignity.

That is called love!

CONCLUSION

My dad said a lot of tough things to me. But you know, I grew up and I have learned to love him for it.